Albert's Story

Ok-so there I am, at home in L.A. sipping by the pool with Neil, Stephen and Graham-reflecting on the glory days and we are just gently flirting with the idea of maybe giving David a call- and, you know, perhaps seeing if there’s any possibility of anything happening again-and the mobile rings.

“Albert-come out of retirement-leave your Laurel Canyon ranch style complex and come to the damp Highlands to troubleshoot our little festival.”

Ok - so this is an old friend asking me- a man who bailed me and Jimmy out of some serious, serious trouble at Shannon Airport back in the day. I owe him-but perhaps not that much. I mean there are some things I would come out of retirement for-but a community festival in the Highlands … and for Otters - what do they need help for.

So my answer is no-but then he tells me about the cats they have been talking to, the cats who want to play, - and I mean these are some heavy cats - dinosaur shaped cats in fact.

“Um. O.K. I’m impressed”

And I quickly size things up and I tell him- "I see your problem-announce one of these acts and the Internet is going to struggle with ticket demand, announce two and you’ll bend it out of shape. Announce all of them and Achnasheen will forever be known as the town that broke the Internet."

“Er-hadn’t thought of that-but that’s not the problem. The problem is that they all want to play at the same time”

…and suddenly, confronted with the mother of all running order conundrums, I see myself in the mirrored glass windows of my Laurel Canyon ranch style complex and the years fall away and there I am in Anaheim in 77 with the Mac, with all their narcotic and marital troubles – and me dealing with it with such ease and such grace. There I was - a Rock and Roll General in suede denim and aviators and with one hell of a moustache. I was on top of my game and on top of the world.

…and it comes back to me so easy- and without taking a breath or missing a beat I tell him

“Ok with these bands playing what you are talking about is having the dinosaurs ruling the earth again-it’ll be like punk never happened, (except I know you’re talking to some of those cats as well- and they are not exactly lightweights but you gotta be insisting on the original line ups there my friend) but let’s focus on the dinosaurs-and remember these dinosaurs have a food chain and you need to ask yourself which dinosaur is at the top of the food chain- and if you’re a bright man, which I know you are, then you’ll know it’s the T-Rex-so who is your T-Rex-well obviously it’s not T-Rex- because, impressive as you have been so far with the line-up - that is beyond you and is probably even beyond me-so identify which cats are your T-Rex and which cats are your Triceratops and which cats are your Stegosaurus and which cats are your Brontosaurus and then we will have a plan. I’ll be on the next flight from LAX.”

..and then after a brief explanation to Stephen, Graham and Neil ( and yes it did cross my mind- and maybe theirs as well. So memo to self there) I jetted east, and into a whole world of trouble.